It's pretty varied. I nearly lost my job at the beginning of last month, got my learner's permit (yesterday), I have a car lined up for when I get my license, and I think (I think?) I'm finally doing better.
Okay, here we go.
So, the job stuff. I fucking sucked at my job last year. I was skating by between 70 to 90% on my daily average for most of 2015. That was due to a lot of stuff. My relationship, everything that happened after the relationship, depression, and a bit of other stuff. When 2016 rolled around, I made a New Years Resolution not to let it get to me any more. I'd been in therapy for two months at that point, and I was more than glad to put the past year behind me. So, I started off my year on a high note, and freaking killed it.
The Friday of that first week back, I got called into the vice president's office. Not my manager's office. The vice fucking president of Managed Services. My manager, Justin, was there. In short order, Mark (the VP) explained that he and HR had been fighting for days about whether or not to let me go. My sporadic performance was the main reason. Justin, however, had stepped in and went to bat for me. I was dealing with stuff, and it was getting better, and besides, I've been there for 2.5 years and my quality is good. They would keep me, but I needed to turn shit around, and fast.
So, I've got another lease on life. I'm very appreciative of that, and I've been busting my ass to make it known. Last month, I went from the second-lowest performer on the team to the highest performer (a 13.5 average to an 18.5 average is pretty fucking boss, FYI). I'm doing the best I can. I still sink into depressive episodes from time to time, but they're not nearly as crippling as they were between August-October, and parts of December.
The depression. It's gotten better, slowly. Between August and late October, I was trapped in this kind of manic sadness. By November, it evolved into anger that I've been gradually burning off. I'm doing better there, too (I still get into fits of rage from time-to-time). But I'm not quite there yet.
Luckily, my therapist has been super helpful with the whole process. To be honest, I'm a little surprised about the toll dating Snaggles (Mollie's nickname for my ex--which pretty much all of my friends have since adapted) had on my self-esteem. I feel like I've asked "Are you sure that was emotional abuse" and "Can people who go through emotional abusive relationships really show signs of trauma?" at least once a week for the past three months. Yes, and (hell) yes, apparently. That's been kind of difficult to wrap my head around.
I still look for validation for it. My friend Courtney has borne the brunt of it (we both got out of abusive relationships around the same time), and I can't count the number of times she's talked me through those random fits of rage. I've realized a lot--things, I realized, I knew all along. Maybe at some point I'll write a long rage thing on here (I've started, but never finished), but right now, I'm pretty ok with how things are going.
I'm going to cut this off for now, but I'm sure I'll post more about the learners permit/car stuff soonish. 'Ta.